Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Pay Dirt,
Six months ago, my daughter and son-in-law had our first grandchild, “Roland.” Last month, they acquired a new car. When I asked my daughter how they were able to afford it, their answer floored me.
When Roland was born, my husband and I gifted them $50,000 for Roland’s college fund. She told me they had used the money we had gifted them for Roland’s education to buy the car! The justification she gave was that it was far more useful for them to have a more kid-friendly vehicle for their son right now than to have the money sitting in a bank for something “years and years away”.
My husband and I are outraged that our daughter and her husband would use Roland’s college money up. The trouble is that if we sue, it will guarantee our access to Roland will be cut off. What do we do here?
—Grifted Grandparents
Dear Grifted Grandparents,
What a generous and thoughtful gift. I can totally understand why you’re upset that it wasn’t used as intended. In the future (or for anyone reading this who might risk a similar scenario) rather than giving the money directly, you can open a 529 account in Roland’s name. At this point, however, there’s unfortunately not much you can do about the money. What’s done is done, and, you’re right, suing would likely cause more problems than its worth.
But you should still let your daughter know how you feel —not only to get it off your chest but to set expectations for future scenarios. Tell your daughter that you were surprised and disappointed to discover that the gift wasn’t used the way you intended.
You can make it clear that you will not be giving large monetary gifts again. And if you want to contribute to Roland’s education in the future, a 529 plan is the way to go. You can open it in your name with him as the beneficiary. This gives you control over the money and ensures it’s used as intended.
—Kristin
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I am in a three-year relationship with a wonderful, caring, and considerate man. He is truly the love of my life, and we are a great team. The issue arises in that when he gives me advice or provides feedback on a situation, he is usually (almost without fail) correct about how the situation will play out. He can predict the behavior of other people with uncanny accuracy, outline what he believes the outcome of a situation will be, and it unfolds like he is psychic.